What I Want
by Queen of Air and Darkness
Summary: "In a dark moment I ask, "How can anyone bring a child into this world?" And the answer rings clear, "Because there is no other world, and because the child has no other way into it." Robert Brault" Written to show Take Me To My Fragile Dreams how it's really done. :D


**A/N: Look, a new one-shot! This was written because I gave the author Take Me To My Fragile Dreams a quote, and she had some trouble writing a fic for it. So, I decided to take that same quote and wrote more what I was thinking. So, TMTMFD, this is for you. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Iron Fey Series. Because otherwise I would be married to Ash.  
**

_In a dark moment I ask, "How can anyone bring a child into this world?" And __the answer rings clear, "Because there is no other world, and because the_  
_child has no other way into it."_

_~Robert Brault_

"Approach." I called from the torture device Glitch and Fix had the audacity to call a throne. I was at the subject hearing scheduled on the first Friday of every month, twelve om sharp. It was a time for anyone who had a complaint or concern or request to bring it in front of their queen. AKA, me.

A wire nymph stepped forward, bowing her head and kneeling before me. "My queen." she said. "My name is Alkalia. We live on the border of Winter territory. My child is young, and mistakenly stumbled in. Several Winter knights found him, and…" The nymph opened her arms, showing me her child.

It was awful. Ice and frost covered his body in patches, and an ice arrow, alike to the ones I had seen Ash use before, was lodged into his arm.

"I ask you to heal him," she said softly, her voice still full of respect and submission, but there was some steel in it this time. "I will do whatever it takes, whatever you order me to do, in order to heal him. But I cannot let him die."

Truthfully, when she had asked, I had been skeptical that I would be able to heal him. I had never used Iron glamour to heal before, and the child looked seconds away from death. But upon hearing his mother offer up herself for him, upon seeing the fire in her eyes, the love she had for him… I knew I had to try.

Glad to step from my "throne", I walked to where she kneeled, telling her to stand. She did, still holding out her child. I put my hand on the dying child's chest, over his heart. Focusing, I saw the Iron glamour swarm over his body. _Heal. Mend. _I though, and sure enough, the frost and ice melted, the arrow in his arm fell out, and the wound closed. The child's eyes opened, and he stared up at me, then at his mother . The expression in his eyes was full of such innocence and wonder that for some reason, I felt tears gathering in my eyes. I forced them back.

"My queen," the wire nymph breather, the thanks clear in her voice. "My queen."

Her child stood - wobbly at first, but managing all the same - and walked over to me, wrapping thin arms around my waist in a little-kid hug, just like Ethan used to do. I patted his head, still trying to keep back the tears.

His mother pulled him back, shooting me an apologetic and somewhat fearful glance. "I'm sorry, my queen" she said. "My son is not good at remembering the things I have taught him about respect." She said this rather pointedly, looking at her son.

"There was no harm done," I soothed, hoping the small child wouldn't get punished for hugging me. Considering I had just saved his life, and all. And he was so young…

The wire nymph took her son's hand and led him away. I got back on top of my throne. Doing my best to put the incident out of my mind, I looked at the next subject in line and called "Approach."

0Oo0oO0

That night, I trudged upstairs to the bedroom I shared with Ash. A meeting with my advisors had gone later than we had anticipated, and it was eleven-thirty by now. Ash would probably be asleep.

Which was really for the best, I guessed. That way, I couldn't talk to him about the thing that had been running through my head for hours, since I had healed the child in throne room at the subject hearing. How would it feel to have someone who was truly your's, your blood and flesh? How would it feel to have someone you would give anything for, due to some bond no one could really understand.

Stepping inside our bedroom, I quietly shut the door behind me, so as to not disturb Ash where he lay on the bed, sleeping. I went into the bathroom to freshen up, then slid out of my shoes, socks, pants and shirt. To tired to put on any real pajamas, I slipped into bed next to Ash in just a bra and a pair of panties.

As I curled up in a fetal position - the typical way I slept - I thought about what I wanted. I wanted it so badly… yet I couldn't deny that I was scared. I don't know what I was scared of exactly -whether it was actually _having _the thing I wanted, or Ash not wanting the same thing, or what Ash and I would have to do in order to create what I wanted.

I felt strong, cool arms wrap around me, pulling me back against his chest. "What's wrong?" he murmured, cool breath tickling my ear.

"Sorry," I said quietly back. "I didn't mean to wake you."

He laughed, and I felt his body shake with the movement. "You didn't wake me, love. I was waiting for you." He placed a kiss on the back of my neck. "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing." I lied. His arms around me disappeared, and I heard the bedsprings creak as he moved. I rolled over towards him, and found him propped up on one elbow, beautiful silver eyes bright against the dark of the room.

"Meghan," Ash said, all seriousness now. "I know you. I know something is bothering you. If you truly do not wish to tell me, I am your knight and your subject, and I will not ask if you command me not to. But as your husband, I hope that you trust me enough to tell me."

"Ash, I… I… I want…"

He brushed a kiss to my lips. "Whatever you want, my wife, my lady, my queen. I will give you whatever you want."

I took a deep breath and took one of his calloused hands in both of mine, putting our intertwined hands on my stomach. Where my womb would be. "I want a child, Ash. I want a child."

He took his hands away from my stomach. "Meghan…"

A mortified blush crept up my cheeks and I turned away. "Never mind," I muttered. "It was a stupid idea anyway. I mean, me as a mother?" I forced a laugh. "It would have turned out horribly anyway."

I waited for him to respond, but when the room remained silent, I curled up in a fetal position and tried to forget the conversation ever happened. Just when I was drifting off to sleep, I heard him murmur "That wasn't what I meant."

I opened my eyes, but stayed turned away from him. "Then what did you mean?"

He sighed. "Keep in mind, Meghan, how I was born and raised. My mother rarely paid me any mind. I was cared for by a wet nurse and my brothers. No one warned me what the Unseelie were like. When I was young, before I understood, I was tortured, both physically and emotionally." I was looking ay him now. He so rarely talked about his past, and even less about when he was young. "You see this scar, Meghan?" He said, taking my hand and placing it on his chest, over his heart. "Rowan gave me that. He said it was my christening, making me into the empty-hearted Winter Prince I needed to become. Then he left me, alone and bleeding and weak. He left me there, as good as dead." In my mind's eye, I could see a four-year-old Ash, scared and broken, and my heart cried for him. I wrapped my arms around him, putting my head against his chest. His hand absentmindedly began stroking my hair. "_Now _do you see why I am hesitant in having a child, Meghan? I can't bring an innocent child into this dark, horrible twisted world, and live with myself." His voice went softer. "I couldn't live with myself."

I looked at him. "You really think that's how it would be? That that would ever happen to our child, Ash? Do you think I would ever let that happen? That _you _would ever let that happen?

He was silent for a moment, then asked. "Do you really want a child, Meghan? That much?"

"With my whole heart." I whispered back.

"As long as there's enough room in there for me as well," he said, and pulled me on top of him, fingers splayed across my hip. His face was so close that when he spoke, I felt his lips brush mine. "I hope you aren't to tired, my queen," he said, smiling. "For if you want a child, I don't believe we'll be getting much sleep tonight."

_8 months later…_

I leaned over the map on the table - or leaned over it the best I could. The bulge of my stomach that held my growing child made it hard for me to do much of anything. And though my kingdom was at war against the Winter Court, I could not be out there fighting, too. Everyone - Ash, the physician, even Glitch - said it was to dangerous. I wasn't agile or strong enough to really fight, and both the baby's and my own life were at stake if I stood on the battlefield.

There had been mixed reactions in all three of the courts when I announced I was pregnant. My own court celebrated, except for a few that thought it was wrong that the father of their heir was the ex-Winter Prince and not an Iron fey. Titania and Oberon had been surprised and somewhat skeptical, though the Summer Prankster had already given us congratulations, and a promise that he would treat our child like his own - something Ash wasn't overly happy about. And the Winter Court… Mab had been _furious_. So furious, in fact, that she declared war against my court.

Glitch and Fix talked/chattered over the map of both the Iron and Winter armies - numbers, where they were laid out, how our kingdom could defeat their's. Truthfully, I was so tired and had such a backache, that I couldn't listen to what they were saying - and I was in to much pain to care.

I felt Ash begin massaging my back, helping to dispel some of the seemingly ever-present knots. I sank gratefully into his touch, until he was all but supporting me. I let out a small, contented sigh and closed my eyes.

"What do you think, my queen?" Glitch's voice interrupted my relaxation, and I cracked back open my eyes. The entire table of advisors and lieutenants stared back at me.

_Focus. _I reminded myself. _You're at war, Meghan. You need to focus. _Supporting my own weight again, I talked a plan of defense with the people who's lives depended on me.

_1 month after that (9 months pregnant)_

I strapped on my armor, and hung my saber from my side. Everyone protested me coming out of the command tent, but I knew it was necessary. Even with the baby due any day now, I was hoping to negotiate with Mab in an attempt to come to a truce. I knew the chances were slim. Of the three other rulers, she was most impossible.

I stepped out of the command tent and walked through my fey, as regally as I could manage with a hump the size of a basketball on my stomach. I walked the decided neutral territory between the two camps, where the negotiations would take place. Ash stayed with me. Though I felt that his presence would only make Mab angrier, but he refused to leave my side. "For the baby's sake" was all he had said.

Mab already stood there, dressed in her white battle gown, streaked maroon with dried blood. "Iron Queen."

I nodded. "Queen Mab."

"Why do you bring me here? What could you possibly offer that would cause me to stop?"

"Queen Mab-" I started, but stopped when a strange feeling hit. It was if there had been a dam built up in my stomach this entire time, and at that moment, the dam broke and the water rushed forward. "Ash!" I gasped instead. "My water broke."

0Oo0oO0

On that day, my first child, my son was born. There was already a blond fuzz covering his head, and his eyes were a blue exactly like my own.

I held my child to me, and Ash wrapped his arms around the both of us. "What should we name him?" I asked my husband.

He looked at us, and I could've sworn I saw tears shining in his eyes. "Kierran," Ash said. "Name him Kierran."

"Kierran," I murmured "I like that."

It didn't matter that our kingdom was at war, or that a homicidal faery queen was after my son. The only thing that mattered was that, in that moment, I had my newborn son and my loving husband, right there in my arms.

**A/N: So, TMTMFG, I hope you enjoyed it. I hope everyone else liked it too. :) If you want to check out TMTMFG's fic that was based off the same quote, it's called Remembrance, and it's in the Iron Fey Archive. Because it's still awesome, and is on my favorite stories list. **

**Queen of Air and Darkness**


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